Monday, April 24th 2017 – From private Ryan to captain Flo’
I always lived in an emotional rollercoaster. Live to the fullest, enjoy, rage, scream, cheer up, cry, laugh. Sleeping less and thinking more. I finally manage to laugh at how Irish people are completely disturbed by that face of my personality.
At first it was a massive weight, something completely dragging me down, making me lose time, energy and focus every day a bit more. That was normal as I was growing in Mediterranean Sea. The winner is the one talking louder and stronger.
Moving to South of France, I had to face a first round of negative reactions against my behaviour. My age, around 19, was covering for most of my excesses of rage and emotions.
The problems started really when being promoted as team leader aged 22, I had to lead by example. What kind of example throws phone on the wall and punches desks more often than he drinks coffee. Some people weren’t talking much to me because they were afraid of my reactions.
I used to step in the front and scream for my ideas, getting myself vulnerable as everyone knew my thoughts every time. Life made me quieter, and as months and years go by, I became the guy sitting in a corner, not talking unless having to. I swallow more words than Charlie Sheen has been drinking whisky bottles and while I still react sometimes out of proportion, I started to use the silence as a force to listen, learn and only react when I’m a position of strength, with clear head and able to play like a chess player. Calculate, plan, think, and think again.
Turn emotions into passion, to drag people with me into the very best way. Inspire, lead, bring a pulse to a corpse. As my dad told me that I was born to lead, not to follow, I started to identify myself to the leaders I was seeing. The football teams’ captains, the American movies war captains, and so on. When I understood that I was a leader of my own, that I shouldn’t copy but just be inspired, that’s when I actually could be the best for the people around me, because I was then being true with myself.